i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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