I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you never un-have a 4some
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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