i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
