it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
