So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
