I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I won the penis lottery.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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