When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
