You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
