I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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