Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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