her facebook's as public as her vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
