puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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