When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
