i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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