he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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