either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
