Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
