ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
