I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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