I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize