I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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