That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
