a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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