More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
