so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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