I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
