I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
