peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
