Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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