Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
