Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you never un-have a 4some
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
