and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
