At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
