Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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