escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
