It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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