I will die if light touches me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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