Just fell off a train. Bad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
