I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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