I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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