Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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