I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
