That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize