FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
