i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
