Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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