I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
