note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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