God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
