she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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