i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
