here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
