had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
