There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
