sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
