how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
