my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
