Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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