I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
