no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
