Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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