in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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