I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
