laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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