He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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