so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
