just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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