you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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