Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
