id be glad to
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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