I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
