i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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