How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
