i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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