I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michael Bay diarrhea
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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