Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
