i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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