Can Purell be used as lube?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
